A long anticipated announcement about was made by Vice President of Communications and Marketing Michele Sparks this morning, revealing the new brand of Transylvania University. The crusty old logo, which has been the brand of the University for over 25 years has finally been replaced to welcome a fresh face in a time of progress and development at Transy.
VP Sparks spoke upon a dusty stage on the ruins of Clay hall:
“We had meeting after meeting arguing about the logo, about whether to incorporate Old Morrison, the rose T, or Haupt, and what message to draw from all of that. It was stressful. Just when the Commmunications team was ready to give up and just keep the old logo for several more decades, I had a revelation. After walking along 4th street after work, an SUV swerved and pummeled the stone ‘Transylvania University’ sign at the 4th-Broadway intersection, it was both symbolic and enlightening. Make the logo a monstrous wrecking ball crashing into a slab labeled ‘Transy’. I brought it to the team meeting the next day, and the Old Morrison conference room lit up; everyone was on immediately on board. Why strive so steadfastly for a new look that embodies our messages of excellence and forward progress when we can just stick to what we’re all thinking: “Tear that shit down and build back from the ground up”. You’re welcome, Transylvania.”
She concluded by unleashing a massive banner emblazoning the new logo and motto with big, bold letters:
“UNDER CONSTRUCTION SINCE 1780”
To commence the ceremony, Miley Cyrus’s “Wrecking Ball” boomed at a deafening levels, and the entire Admissions staff was bulldozed down.
-Burris Jenkins
The Shambler 