Trying to find a safe haven in Romania? Think again. As the electoral college started turning red, Transylvania University’s blue campus looked for a place to relocate. One student was quoted as saying, “Canada is nice and all but Transylvania will always be my home. If I can’t have it in the U.S. I’ll gladly have it overseas.” Another student enthusiastically chimed in, “I’d gladly take Vlad the Impaler as my supreme ruler over Donald Trump.”
This does raise big questions for a university that is already struggling to keep and retain students. The Transylvania Administration has issued a statement saying they will gladly set up a new institution of learning and higher achievement in the Transylvania Region of Romania. The administration’s official release has been provided for all to read:
“For numerous years people have associated Transylvania University with Romania: Dracula, the Transylvania Region and Bats. Today and effective immediately, it is our pleasure to announce Transylvania University will be moving all operations to Romania. Romania has met all of our requirements to establish higher learning like old glorious buildings and dilapidated residence spaces and tombs but it also has things which can truly make our university great like pedestrian-only walkways. And, don’t worry, we have checked, SODEXO can conduct business in Romania so we can still have home cooked meals at night.”
As Transy starts this relocation process, problems are already starting to arise. Problem one, the Romanian immigration website has crashed and students and faculty alike don’t know when it will be up again. Problem two is getting there. The University has started a plane registration system on TNET for students to find seats on planes to take them to Romania but there are simply not enough seats and not enough planes. Freshman are struggling to register and find seats while seniors are overjoyed they got into a plane of their choice.
Always yours
Dawn Holteruhmp
The Shambler 