Lexington- In a press release earlier today, the Director of Transylvania athletics informed the public of a new development for the Pioneers. The school is now gearing up to add its twenty-seventh Division III sports team for the coming fall semester, Full-Contact Broadway Crossing.
This comes as a surprise to many who expected a competitive Back Caf Waffle-Making team. Despite this apparent disappointment, many Transylvania students are already excited about the possibilities associated with the new team.
“Yeah, I’m pretty pumped about this,” said Mason Lilly, a junior, “although I’m not really sure if the full-contact refers to the other students or the cars. I’ll probably just run into them both though, to be sure”.
Many of the athletes are expected to come from current students, who have plenty of experience with the sport on an amateur level. “I mean, we’ve all been running into rush hour traffic since we’ve been here, it’s basically like we’ve been practicing for this,” said Lilly.
The school has also begun recruiting athletes for the newly formed team, pulling from specific urban areas. “We look for areas that have both heavy traffic and indifferent drivers,” said the director “They’re both pretty important factors for the sport”.
The fall semester will see many changes, but none are as exciting for the students as the introduction of this new sport. Dr. Ben Hawkins is expected to coach the team, having crossed Broadway upwards of six times.
-Reuben Cave
The Shambler 